This Pain Is Just Too Real
by Juliet Capulet Montague
Summary: "Shhh, it's going to be okay, Harry," she murmured, rubbing my back. My take on the mourning of Dumbledore in the HBP movie and what happened after.


Disclaimer: I don't own HP.

_"Severus…please," Dumbledore said calmly. I stood, frozen in absolute fear for Dumbledore's life, every instinct in my body screaming at me to run up to the top of the Astronomy Tower and aid him. Malfoy was sobbing as he aimed his wand at the Headmaster, trying to muster the will to kill him. _

_ Snape took aim at Dumbeldore and yelled, "AVADA KEDAVRA!" _

That scene replayed itself in my head over and over again, almost like a broken record player as I made my way back to the Tower's base. I felt numb inside, unable to comprehend what had just happened tonight. Snape had killed Dumbledore. Malfoy had, all along, been responsible for the attacks on Ron and Katie that had been intended for Dumbledore and was a Death Eater. I had seen him show his Dark Mark to Dumbledore shortly before he…no, no, no. I wouldn't think about that. I couldn't. I found myself meeting the stares of the other students, and I pushed my way through the crowd. That when I saw it. My knees almost buckled, and it took all of my strength not to crumple to the ground and succumb to the wave of grief that washed over me. I forced myself to keep going, and I knelt by Dumbledore's still form. There was a locket, and I reached for it. I was about to examine it when I realized I was shaking and unable to stop. I didn't even realize I was crying until I felt someone kneel by my side and take me into their arms. I recognized a flowery scent, and knew it was Ginny. I clung to her, sobs wracking my body.

"Shhh, it's going to be okay, Harry," she murmured, rubbing my back. I buried my face in her shoulder and wept. She murmured words of comfort, and in the midst of my grief, I heard the sound of what sounded like storm clouds rolling in, but I knew it was the removal of the Dark Mark that had loomed over the school after Dumbledore fell. Ginny and I held one another for several long moments and she said quietly, "We should get inside. Professor McGonagall wants everyone to clear out." She gently pulled me to my feet and led me inside, entwining her fingers in mine. "Do you want to see Ron and Hermione?" she asked softly.

"No, not right now," I answered, meeting her eyes. "I just want to be go somewhere where nobody can bother us." Ginny knew me all too well to know what I was referring to.

"The Room of Requirement?" Ginny pressed. I nodded, and we made our way to the seventh floor corridor. Grief was omnipresent; it was all around us, and it was overwhelming. The school hadn't been this saddened since the death of Cedric Diggory. We finally arrived, and I was about to think about why we were here when all of a sudden, the two doors manifested. We made our way inside and sat down on the steps. Ginny was clearly concerned and I said, "I don't know if I can do this anymore, Ginny."

"Do what?" she queried.

I snapped. "My being the 'Chosen One' has gotten enough people killed as it is!" I almost shouted. "My parents, Cedric, Sirius, Dumbledore…THEY ALL DIED BECAUSE OF ME, GINNY! IT'S MY FAULT!"

"Harry, don't think like that," Ginny said. "None of it is your fault."

"I wish that were true," I said bitterly, "but then again, I should get used to people dying around me. It's been happening ever since I was born, for God's sake. Maybe it'd be better if I wasn't here anymore." I regretted the words as soon as they came out. Ginny's facial expression went from worried to hurt and angry.

"You think it'd be better if you were _dead_?" she exclaimed, shooting to her feet. "Harry, people die every day because of Voldemort! You honestly can't be that selfish!"

"I-I'm sorry!" I stammered. "I didn't mean it." She studied me for a brief moment, took a few deep breaths and sat down again, taking my hand. "It's just that..." I couldn't go on anymore, and I tried to fight my tears. In a six year period, I had been through hell. I'd battled Voldemort twice, witnessed Cedric's murder and Voldemort's rise, lost the only family I had left and not too long after that, lost the one person I considered a father after losing so many people. A sob escaped my chest, and Ginny pulled me into her arms once again, as I began to weep. For what felt like a very long time, we held one another. "Can you stay here with me?" I whispered. Ginny held me close, and for once, I felt at peace and that everything would be okay.


End file.
